sometimes its ocd
Sometimes I think about things to think about.
When those run out, I think of things that could be thought about.
I plan for the next day’s thoughts, and think about how I’d be thinking about those thoughts.
I plan my days by thinking in the small bed of mine, my eyes staring at a spot on the wall. Sometimes I can close my eyes. Especially when I am trying to sleep at the same time.
I think about things at least twice. I think about things and their outcomes.
I remember the butterfly effect and apply that to my thoughts.
In the distant future, I can imagine myself thinking the exact same way.
The outcomes never really change, but I want to hold onto the details that don’t exist.
I’d spend 2 hours awake, worried sick that I can’t sleep anymore.
I think about not thinking and start thinking about things to fall asleep.
I decided that counting sheep would help.
After 10 sheep, I fall into thinking about tomorrow.
If it’s a bad night, I think about next year.
If it’s a really bad night, I think about the next 50 years.
Finally, I give up and watch a video.
The voices drown out mine, and I fall asleep to it.
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