“Is this what love feels like? A blindingly white light that pierces through you with no hesitation?”

Avon smiles as she drives her lance through my chest. The blood twinkles against the harsh sun rays. If my heart wasn’t already in the midst of dying, I would've known how it felt to have met my soulmate at last. Or at least some warped vision of it.

It doesn’t help that her waxing poetic, though cheesy, still had an effect on me. Where did she take that line from, anyway?

I held her lance gently, keeping it inside me for just a while longer. The strand of hair that always falls loose from my braid blows in the wind as I manage to slowly catch my breath. I was falling.

We were falling.

“Avon,” I let her name roll across my tongue as naturally as it did for the many years we’ve known each other, “I’ve never once had the thought that I love you.”

The blonde girl in blue laughs.

“Then what do I keep seeing in your eyes?”

I gasp. Not out of surprise, but from the liquid that slowly seeps into my lungs. The feeling reminded me of the first time I met her. “You are mistaking it.”

The lance drives deeper and deeper.

“It’s funny when you deny it. What else would drive you to the ends of this fragmented universe to find me? Specifically me. Not any other Avon out there. Those who are only young and just beginning to understand their worth and role in this silly game you have chosen to let run.”

I watch as her hands tense and her face contorts. There is a pang in my heart that I didn’t know still lived. There was only one real answer.

“Nothing drives me but the thought of you dead in my arms.”

Avon doesn’t spare a second to let my secret fester. “How romantic!” She chimes, her hands finally relaxing.

Meanwhile, my body winces at the word. How badly did I want to drive it out of my mind.

“You have changed so much, Avon. So very much.”

“Do you miss the brightness in me? You know that it’s because of you that I ended up this way. We wouldn’t have to resort to such barbaric ways if you would’ve just let me go.”

For one moment, I let myself imagine a world where this was not happening. Where our lives were not intertwined the way they were. It felt empty and impossible, beyond what I once believed was impossible before I met Avon. Why would I ever let her go back then?

“We both know that could never happen.”

“And you are still so concerned for your friends’ survival.”

This time a pang of guilt runs through my blood, cold.

“They were your friends too.”

“Were. Until we both saw the truth.”

“Oh. The truth. The truth of this game,” I sigh, knowing where I have ended up. “I have to admit that you are at least very determined.”

“Thanks to you.”

Avon stretches out her arms, not minding the lance that was currently stabbed through me. I did not mind it as much either, as I was too busy studying her forever careless face. A face that knew if there was no room in the world for something like her, she would simply make it. I would laugh at the sight if it didn’t put me in any more pain.

Unlike her other selves, this Avon kept her hair down. That, and the familiar scars that I could name by heart. It is only through this observation that I knew this was my Avon. Of course, those fights where her scars came from were stalemates. They all were. I bring one of my hands up to my eyepatch. There were some that were considered losses on my end.

“Avonー”

I pause, letting my mouth enjoy the taste a little longer.

“ーYou know what I am about to do next.”

“Oh, I do. But you are stalling, aren’t you?”

Avon leans against the lance nonchalantly, holding her head up with a hand on her chin. I study her dark blue eyes.

“I might be.”

The angelic face laughs.

“Oh why, oh why. You think you’re so serious, but all I see is a scared little mouse. You can’t make me scurry around again to simply be found again. Are you sure you don’t get any enjoyment out of this?”

“I don’t enjoy it. I enjoy what could be the end.”

“That you will never reach. Because if I die, you cease to exist.”

There is no hesitation in my answer. My gaze pierces through her. “I know.”

I caught a twitch in her eyebrow.

“...And? Doesn’t that bother you?”

“I’m getting tired of this game, Avon.”

For the first time in what seems like centuries, Avon looks afraid.

“I don’t understand what you are trying to tell me.”

“It’s exactly how it is. I should’ve killed you from the get go.”

As expected, Avon became increasingly riled up.

“...You don’t mean that.”

“Why? Why do you think I’d lie about this?”

“Because there has to be a process to all of this!” She finally went back to stabbing the lance deeper into my chest. I cough violently. “You can’t just…!”

“Die? Oh Avon, if I die, you’d have all the freedom you crave.”

The lance twists in further and finds new, untouched muscle. Avon’s hair falls forward and lightly brushes against my cheek. I couldn’t even smile at that.

“You filthy, dirty liar!” I could not even move, staying at the mercy of Avon yelling into my face, “You know why we go through all the formalities! You know why I don’t just go ahead and go after any other red dot on the radar! It’s you! It’s always you and only you!”

I try to bring my hand up to touch her hair. It falls pathetically to my side. I can only manage a whisper.

“I didn’t know you felt this way about me.”

“Liar.”

Avon pulls out the lance, leaving a hole within my body. I gasp. Her hair sticks to her forehead and flushed cheeks. She rubs the crimson blood on the lance mindlessly.

Pain immediately shoots through my body and I doubled over, coughing out blood.

“You’ll never find rest.”

I gag at the smell of iron.

“You’ll always be tied to me.”

I stare below at the stars that were beyond my reach.

“And I will always take your place. I will steal your place from underneath you.”

I could not even speak.

Avon sighs deeply. Her face is devoid of any emotion.

“I don’t want to hear you give up. Your entire purpose is to breathe and I will be the only one who ends it.”