Because
because years ago, i believed, and still now on the worst of nights, that when the deep ink finally takes me and rips me from this world leaving nothingness behind, (a hole where matter was and an implosion of emotion fills it to the brim), id go through it alone and id go through it with teeth grit and eyes puffy and nose running and with all chance id go by without one gasp and lay down to rest.
but the tide has changed and my body is permanently linked in a way that I cannot imagine or fathom it ever healing. i'd be the wound that could never be repaired.
and so on your knees you are and so am i. and i'd do anything to leave the world first only to let the landing be soft for you. and i cannot bear the pain of losing and so id have to be lost first. and through that i will grip you with my claws and not let go even as my skin burns and my heart bursts and the veins in my body cannot possibly carry itself.
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